How to Fall Back in Love
June 30, 2014

François-Edouard Picot: L’Amour et Psyché

Do you want to fall in love again? Do you want to once again feel butterflies whenever you see your lover? Do you want to put passion back into your sex life?

If yes, then we have a solution for you. But it will only work if you can convince your partner to spend an hour with you listening to an admittedly-corny recording. We suggest you listen to a one-hour guided Tantra meditation as a couple, and at the bottom of this post we include a specific recording for you to try. If you have more than one lover, do this with each one separately.

First, the science.

Human bonding is enabled by Oxytocin, a hormone controlled by the brain’s hypothalamus. Oxytocin is sometimes called the “love hormone” because it plays a role in childbirth, social recognition, pair bonding, and anxiety. Oxytocin levels are influenced by touch and emotions. Holding hands, hugging, kissing, making prolonged eye contact can all trigger the bonding hormone, but so too can watching a sad movie or having a heart-to-heart conversation with someone.

According to Dr. Paul Zak, professor of economic psychology and management at Claremont Graduate University, there’s also a connection between love and health. “There’s a very clear mapping from positive social relationships back to health,” says Zak. Benefits of higher oxytocin levels include less cardiovascular stress and an improved immune system.

UC San Diego researchers have been studying oxytocin for years, and have been applying doses of the hormone to people suffering from depression and schizophrenia. Thus far results have been positive, so expect to see oxytocin-based drugs for these illnesses in the near future.

Now, the action.

The eastern practice of Tantra has been reduced by the west to mean ultra-long bouts of sex. Tantra practitioners, however, believe they are harnessing the universe’s energy in interesting ways to expand and free themselves. For our purposes, Tantra is a life-hack to quickly boost oxytocin levels to bond practitioners. Tantric meditation is cupid’s arrow.

A guided tantric meditation session involves deep relaxation, holding your partner’s hands, looking in to their eyes, and spending time focusing on how much you appreciate one another. It works; the practice has been honed over 1,000 years to be incredibly powerful.

What you need to do a tantric meditation:

  • About one hour of uninterrupted private time together with your partner.
  • A good recording. We recommend this one, which you can find on Spotify or on Amazon.
  • An open mind. Agree beforehand that, no matter how toe-curlingly cheesy the meditation may sound, you’ll both give it your best effort to get through it.
  • Believe that it works. Like any medical treatment or psychological intervention, believing in the treatment’s efficacy has a positive effect on the experienced efficacy.

For further reading on Oxytocin and its impact on behavior, we recommend this book: